After a while, I find myself writing again, not knowing where this will lead. Consider it a journey of self-exploration, reflecting on whether I’m okay, and if not, what’s causing it. I’ve done this before, and truth be told, it didn’t turn out well. Or perhaps it did, because I managed to navigate many situations. Life, in general, feels so complicated, doesn’t it? Do you ever find yourself with a laundry list of tasks, striving to make the day positive, only to feel exhausted halfway through?
My life has been tinged with negativity for the past few months. I tried tirelessly to see things positively, to shift my mindset, to think optimistically. Yet, I couldn’t. Emotionally closed off, neither friends, nor family, nor relationships seemed to notice. Not even me. I hadn’t realized the importance of a genuine smile, waking up without the weight on my chest, a weight that objectively feels unbearable. I attempted numerous strategies to combat it, whether it was going for walks, taking strolls, or enjoying a coffee. But it remained, steadfast and unyielding.
I made a decision to approach life differently, not by forcing myself to envision a brighter future, but by embracing the present. Yes, I have an anxiety disorder. Yes, I’m under immense stress. Yes, I feel discomfort 98% of my day, except when I sleep, albeit with difficulty. But yes, I’ll manage.
Often, we embark on a journey of positive thinking, but is it truly positive thinking? Or do we merely convince ourselves of positivity until the next wave of negativity crashes over us? No, I shouldn’t strive for perfection in appearance, behavior, or achievement. And that’s a form of positive thinking. Yet, it’s unrealistic because nobody is flawless; rather, we’re all perfect in our own unique ways. But how do we internalize that sense of perfection, flaws and all? How do we genuinely believe that nobody is better than us?
Lately, my anxiety has soared to unprecedented levels. I find myself overanalyzing every detail, fearing for my existence, spending months engulfed in sadness. Why? Why do we strive for a certain level, only to exhaust ourselves until we reach it? When setting a goal, it’s crucial to ponder: Are you truly willing to pursue it? And if so, do you possess the strength to give it your all? If not, perhaps it’s best not to attempt it, lest you find yourself lost.
I won’t offer empty praise or hollow encouragement. Instead, I urge you to take a deep breath and grant yourself time. Refrain from action until you feel 100% capable. I’ve embarked on a lengthy journey, uncertain of my ability to endure it. Yet, here I am, back in Greece, striving to reclaim the self I’ve lost. When did I lose it? At what point did I reach my breaking point? I’ll find out, and I’ll keep you posted.
The crux of the matter is this: don’t exhaust yourself. Don’t push yourself beyond your limits when you’re not at peace with yourself. Life isn’t a competition; there’s room for all of us, a life for all of us. The key is to find contentment within it, to cultivate environments that suit and nurture us, rather than darken our spirits.
Your sparkle is there, waiting to be revealed. And mine? Well, I’ll uncover it in due time. Take another deep breath and give yourself the gift of time. Life may be short, but it’s also long enough to savor. Don’t rush into decisions, don’t deplete your strength. I don’t know if I’ve conveyed my point clearly, but I’m advocating for patience, for giving and taking time.
Τελειόφοιτη του τμήματος κοινωνικής πολιτικής, δραστήρια, κοινωνική με μεγάλη αγάπη για τη ζωή. Ζωντανεύω μέσα από την έκφραση των συναισθημάτων μου και των προβληματισμών μου. Λατρεύω τα βιβλία, τα ζώα και τις βόλτες με τους αγαπημένους μου. Αδυναμία μου οι εξορμήσεις σε μέρη, τα οποία κρύβουν τη δική τους ιστορία. Έτσι και εγώ, λοιπόν, βρίσκομαι εδώ για να πω τη δική μου ιστορία. Enjoy.
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